Fogged In - My Slow and Gentle Action Plan for the next 6 weeks

Invited by Nadine, I drew this card not once, BUT TWICE during our Deep Dive session on June 21 (once a the beginning and once at the end). So powerfully perfect.

ACTION ITEMS:

• Stop using the word "students" and "classes". Change to "students" to  "co-creators" or "collaborators" and "class" to "circle" and "experience".
   
• Change the name of my offerings to:
  
  Circle of Presence for Women - a Group Experience
  AND
  Circle of Presence - a Personal Experience (for my private offerings)

Make this change in my communications from now on and on my website.
 

• FULLY UNPLUG AND PLUG IN ON MY VACATION FROM JUNE 28 - AUG 3
  
  - Have Ayla change password for iCloud, FB and Instagram
  - Leave computer and phone at home
  - Set auto response on voice mail, email and text with Dave's number for emergencies
  - Let FB know you are unplugging, let family and friends know
  - Set auto-reply for practicing grace email about registrations
  - Take Clara's phone for contact with essential people while on the Island (Ayla, Dave, Angela, Jackie)
   
• Invite Kenna to co-create a program
   

Phase 2 - Preparation for Deep Dive Session June 21

• WEATHER REPORT - Give a sense for where you're at. How you're feeling? What's in your heart and on your mind?
  
  I have a lot more clarity on the direction of my business and am excited about the progress I have made. Also feeling a big opening between me and Dave and fully aware that I need to show up more for him and for my girls. I'm a little fuzzy in my head and feeling the effects  of poor self-care over the past week.
   
• LEARNING - What has opened up or shifted for you in the last couple of weeks?
  
  Ever since our first deep dive session and the visit with my future self, I have enjoyed every aspect of my work with Practicing Grace Qigong. Prior to that session, I dreaded my classes and had remorse afterwards (no matter how well the class went). That shifted and I found that the 9 classes/circles that I facilitated between May 30 and June 18 were more powerful than ever before and that I was fuelled by the experience (versus drained).
  
  The first few weeks after our deep dive session I was very present to my self care and to my family. This has shifted this past week as I have become more busy with work demands, this coaching work, and home stuff. My self-care and my care for my family is always the first thing to go when this happens.
   
• CELEBRATIONS - What successes, wins or breakthroughs will you celebrate from the last couple of weeks? (Big or small, we take them all!)
  
  Finding my new space, confirming my fall schedule...and feeling really good about it!
  Claiming my value and asking students to commit to re-registration and getting a fantastic response!
  Amazing self care for first two weeks of June.
  Ease in preparing for our hike and camping trips.
   
• CHALLENGES - What challenges, obstacles or frustrations are you facing and how are you feeling about them?
  
  Physically feeling tired and out of sync at the moment. Feeling very short on time to spend with Dave and the girls.
   
• OPPORTUNITIES - What opportunities available to you? What would you love to accomplish over the next couple of weeks?
  
  e are going to our most happy place in the world as a family and I will have so much time to connect with Dave and the girls and with my body in NATURE!  I want our vacation to be a really deep dive into presence and intimacy. 
   
• GRATITUDE - What are you most grateful for right now - and why?
  
  For the circle of women who gathered in my classes these past 9 weeks.
  For Michelle Crawford and all she has taught me. 
  For Dave's support of my path and of this coaching work.
  For the chance to go on such a meaningful vacation.
   
• FOCUS - What's your sense for what you'd like to work on in our deep dive session? What would you love to walk away with? (Write what you know even if you're not totally clear.) - Patti - we will draw from our planned focus areas for this session, feel free to add any other insights

I would like to dive into what is behind my tendency to drop self-care and family time when I feel pinched for time. 

How can I develop my private practice? What can I do to strengthen my group practice (classes)?

• WHAT ELSE - Is there anything else you'd like to share or ask before our deep dive session?

What I Know For Sure (Core Ground Rules)

Learning Outcome: Create core ground rulesfor your lifestyle, career/business, the difference you’re here to make, and how you want to be seen by others.

This is your chance to write a personal manifesto with declarations of what you know for sure and what you stand for. Think of Oprah’s column in O Magazine: What I Know for Sure. 

These are both what’s happening now and what you want to happen in the future. Some overlap between the four sections is totally normal.

Remember this is draft one – or your “first try” – and you can always come back later and update. This is an evolving process so there’s no need for perfectionism here! ;)

Write all declarations in present tense and start them with:

I am, I will OR I believe. To get your creative juices flowing, some examples from my own declarations are included for you.

1.   LIFESTYLE- What do you know for sure about the lifestyle you want? 

I am emotionally and physically available to my two daughters.

I have an intimate and fulfilling relationship with my husband.

I have deep and meaningful relationships with the women (friends and clients) in my life. 

My living space is bright, fresh and tidy with minimal clutter.

I am intrinsically connected to the needs of my body and meet my needs for nourishment, exercise and fresh air every day.

I believe the key to happiness is to be comfortable with uncertainty and to embrace every moment as it is.

2.    BUSINESS / CAREER-What do you know for sure about your work? 

I am energized by my work and always look forward to it.

I am living my life purpose through the work I do.

My personality is my greatest asset. 

My intuition guides others on their healing journeys. 

I believe I can be  rewarded financially for my abilities as a healer and facilitator or women's circles.

I am passionate about my work and can achieve my objectives while maintaining my core values and without sacrificing my self care or my ability to spend quality time with my husband and kids. 

I need to be diligent in establishing  and maintaining healthy boundaries with my clients and with my extended family.

3.     DIFFERENCE & IMPACT - What do you know for sure about the difference and impact you want to make through your work? What fires you up… what makes you sad? 

I create community.

I create sacred space where women feel welcome safe to be vulnerable, honest, and seen. 

I have a natural ability to quickly form meaningful connections with people and to inspire them to open up to others as well.

The work I do is life changing for my clients.

I am making an important and essential contribution to the well being of  my family and to our future through the work I do with our family business.


4.     YOU-What do you know for sure about how you want to be seen in the world? 
How do you want to be seen by your family? By your clients? Most importantly, how do you want to be seen by YOU?

I attract people who have a desire to open their hearts.

People are drawn to me for my vibrant personality, trustworthiness, integrity, authenticity and humility.

I am conduit for messages from the Divine.

I walk my talk and talk my walk, and I accept and share my inevitable stumbles.

My husband and children know that they are most important to me.

My actions are in alignment with my core values of inner harmony, intimacy, courageous, health and integrity.

5.     What is most important for you to remember from this experience of creating your Personal Manifesto?

I KNOW that everything  I have declared is true for me, AND, I declare that NOW is the time to step fully into living in accordance!

Love Letter To Myself

Dear Patti,

Here we are, one year since that life-changing coaching program. I cannot wait to tell you what we’ve experienced and accomplished since then, who we’ve met along the way, and the impact our work has had! So, sit back and enjoy what I’m about to share with you. You’re going to be amazed…

Patti, do you remember when you never had anytime for Dave? Remember how you would cringe when he woke up or came home from work? Not because you didn't want to see him, but because you knew you would have to stop doing what you were doing in order to give him attention. Aren't you glad that phase of your life is over? Its probably hard for you to even remember it because now you look forward to seeing him every single time! When you are with him, you feel fulfilled. He sees you and you see him.  You want to be with him because it fills you up! You have regular intimacy with him and it is very fulfilling. Remember when you went months and months without making love? Those days are over and you are both so much happier now!

Your girls are thriving, truly thriving! Ayla is so confident and calm, she rarely has anxiety attacks any more. She is living out her dreams and is so self reliant and independent. Clara no longer has bouts of sadness or dark periods, and when she does she is able to communicate and get the help she needs. Both girls love to be with you and Dave and you love to be with them.

Your business is a true success! You have full classes and a full slate of private clients. You are making a difference in people's lives and you are being well compensated for your time. You are an intuitive healer and a facilitator of women's circles - what you offer is truly unique and special and your clientele feel very endeared to you. You create relationships and community and your warmth is genuine and authentic - this is what makes you stand out from others and is what brings people back over and over and to refer their friends to you.  

Your relationship with your extended family is right for you. You have the perfect amount of compassion and boundaries in place. You are doing a great job managing the family business, you take care of things accurately and timely and all records are in good order.

Your health is excellent Patti. You are naturally motivated to care for your body and your body thanks you. 

Patti, I am so proud of you and I am so grateful for your commitment to follow through on the work that was needed to bring you to this place. You are a true inspiration!
 

Love, 

Your future self one year from today

Integration - Nadine's suggested 3 week plan (May 30 - June 21)

What actions steps are you committing to?  
(regular font is as of June 5 and italics is an update as of June 18):

1. Map out and execute a plan for the month of June that includes a way to easily catch up on bookkeeping, prepare for my trip, find studio space for the fall, send a survey to my students, market/get registration for my fall classes, plan my fall retreat with Ariel, plan Chickadees summer camps, take care of many items related to the kids and house, exercise regularly, eat very well.   

June 18th update:
 -Bookkeeping is under control
- Survey is not done and I don't know if I'm going to do one (Nadine, we need to talk about this)
- Fall registration is underway and is off to a great start, retreat with Ariel is planned and registrations are coming in
- Chickadees is planned and my role is clarified
- Trip is 90% planned, studio space is booked
- Life with the kids and Dave is going smoothly, still need to be more present
- Exercise and self care was going very well but has fallen off the last week

2. Continue to do my coaching and inner work to ensure that I am comfortable with the plan that I have currently mapped out for my business, which is is to:

-      continue teaching my classes, with few changes in the fall. I sense that there is much opportunity to grow within this framework and believe quite strongly that the changes to my business will come from withinthe structure of what I have already created. 
-      I will teach two morning classes and one evening class per week. 
-      For September to June I would like to have full access to the perfect studio/office space on Monday’s (9 am to 9 pm). During this time I will teach two classes and see private clients. There will be room to expand my studio hours if more is created. 
-      I am focused on finding this space and securing it. My priority is that the space FEEL good, I am willing to bend on my goal of having it available for 12 consecutive hours in the short term if it is the right space…knowing that it (or more) will be available to me in the future.

June 18th follow-up:
 - Everything I wanted to do is DONE! I have found the perfect space and arranged my classes just as I had intended. I have also had the chance to work with a private client (I have done one session with her and have two more booked).

3.   Focus on spending more quality time with Dave and to be incredibly present with him. To see what organically unfolds when the energy between us shifts (as led by me).

June 18th follow-up:
 - Things with Dave feel different and feel good. There is definitely a shift occurring. However, I am noticing how little time I have for our relationship. This needs to change, I feel that the other changes I am making will lead for room for time with him to open up.

·      Practice integrating the wisdom from your Future Self – choose to experience what life would be like from this perspective. 

I am visiting my future self several times a day and finding her to be an excellent resource for me! She is very soothing and inspiring!

·      Notice what you notice over the next three weeks and capture it in writing – particularly your belief in, and commitment to, your passion and purpose, i.e. what is bolded and italicized in the future self section.

I have noticed that I am much more present and focused in my daily life. I am procrastinating less and I am able to get things done easier. My focus on creating community and being a facilitator of growth for others has led to powerful transformations taking place in my classes.

I had a health scare over these three weeks and I was able to move through it with a presence and acceptance that I have never known before. As it turned out, everything is fine, but the process sure tested me and my ability to surrender unconditionally. I was very proud of my COURAGE to stay present without fear and to undergo the minor surgery.

·      Using your driving core values as a guide, go through your program pre-work and the notes in this action guide – and identify any decisions to make, changes to make and actions to take, e.g. running classes in the fall.  Make the decisions. Make the changes or set dates if they are in future. Take the actions. You have what you need and don’t need to wait.

I am so pleased to report that I used my core values to guide me into action and the decisions I made with regards to my fall classes, the studio space I will be teaching out of and more importantly the vision of women's circles!

·      Buy and get started reading these books: 
 Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World
Pussy: A Reclamation

I bought the books but haven't started them yet. 

Buy the URL intimacywithsource.com– it is available which is amazing - and is only 99 cents. While you may or may not use it, I recommend snapping it up while available.

·      Journal about: What is it to turn toward intuition? What is it to turn toward intimacy? (versus turn away) 

At this point, I can say with a lot of confidence that I know what it is to turn towards intuition. This has been developing for years and has been significantly accelerated since our deep dive session on May 31. Here’s what it feels and looks like so far: 

-      Though planning is necessary, there is no anxiety about the unfolding of each moment. It just happens and is always in line with my values and my greater good. Miracles tend to happen, such as:
-  finding a lost object when I need it
- being invited to an event that takes me further down my spiritual path right when I need it
-  knowing instinctively that I cannot trust an offer that I received
- always having enough time
- razor sharp focus on what needs to be done and doing it. 
-  knowing intuitively to say yes to the person who asked me to work with her privately and trusting completely that my session would serve her highest good. No anxiety and no doubting.
-    knowing which spaces are right and which are wrong very quickly and not being afraid to turn away from an opportunity

Turning towards intimacy is still developing. So far it is happening quite organically and naturally. Nothing is being forced. There is just an arising of tenderness for: Dave, my girls, my friends, my students

Up until this point I [fill in the blank]and from this moment on I am learning how to OR deepening my ability OR growing my ability to [fill in the blank].

Yes, yes and yes. Am loving this so far! 

·      Practice intimacy with and turning toward your husband and kids.
Working on this slowly and organically, its taking time with Dave. 

·      Handle the backlog of bookkeeping, asking: “How can this be easy?”
I have carved out time to do this next week and I sense it will be done efficiently and easily. 

·      Prepare for your trip, again asking: “How can this be easy?”
The preparation has been easy and fun, we are mostly done and what is left to do feels light.

·      I also had a vision of you commissioning a painting of you and a lotus flower growing up and out from your core with gold light. (In the future, I believe your new personal brand will have a lotus flower with gold throughout.)

·      Explore Dan McMillanfor you and Dave, if it feels right to do so… or maybe this comes later as a consideration in the summer or fall. 

Integration, Reflecting on my Deep Dive Session (June 5)

Journalling:

My deep dive session was much more than I ever imagined. I was open, but I didn’t anticipate it to be SO intense. I guess I was ready. The biggest light bulb moment was when my future self got fierce with me and said that I needed to commit to breaking the ancestral pattern in my female lineage. I KNOW this to be true. I also really got it when she said that I don’t need to do anything but open my heart fully and to courageously step into my power…and to not be afraid of my light dimming others.

I also really found the claiming of my core values in my pre-work  to be a powerful exercise and have been integrating and claiming them since over the last week. 

INTIMACY

INTEGRITY

HEALTH

COURAGEOUSNESS

INNER HARMONY

I’ve noticed that the only thing getting in the way of me living out these core values is my own blocks and defenses. Over the past few days I have had several opportunities to release these blocks as well as heal some of the patterns. It hasn’t been anything earth shattering, but it has been EXACTLY what I’ve been asking or…EASE, FLOW, NATURAL GUIDANCE, INSTINCTUALLY BEING ABLE TO DO WHAT IS NEEDED (which includes radical self care of my body), DEEP PRESENCE FOR MY HUSBAND AND KIDS!

Also, I found myself totally looking forward to my Friday and Monday classes. I had none of the old feelings that have been present up until now (dread, worry, fatigue). I found that I had even more confidence in listening to my guides during class and I was especially grounded and calm after class (no remorse or worry).

Today (June 5) I had the opportunity to go on a journey with a shaman in a drumming circle organized by my yoga teacher, Michelle. Kim led us on an inner journey using drumming. My experience was as follows:

I found myself sitting across from an elder (first nation), he was smoking a pipe and he was very gentle yet very serious. He then put on an eagle mask and we began to dance to the rhythms of the drum.  He said he had a message for me. He said I was a teacher and I had important things to contribute. Then there was an incredibly bright light that flooded my body, it felt incredible. Then the light went away and became a dark light and I was moving down a dark, dark tunnel.  

The elder transformed into a woman, she was a midwife, and I began to feel contractions and pain in my pelvis. I was lying down, so I put my feet on the ground (knees up) and I felt as if I was giving birth. There was tremendous energy moving through my sacrum and lower back and into my uterus and pelvis, I actually felt my cervix expanding. It was not painful, but it was intense. The midwife was coaching me saying it was ok to birth this darkness and to release it from within. 

Then the journey continued. Kim, the Shaman, guided us to go into a passage way and emerge in the upper world. I went through a cave, it was a cave on Miracle Beach in Vancouver Island. I went in and in and emerged on top of a mountain sitting with the elder again. The elder told me that the birth was about my birth and my grief at not being met fully by mom (and still not being met my her). The birth was my re-birth into light. Then the Divine Mother came and she poured pink light into me, she put her hands over my breasts and drew out the fibroids and filled them with healing energy. She said I needed to love my implants and bless them and the same with my nipples. Their beauty was an expression of me and I was entitled to have them AND be healthy. 

 Then a bald eagle came (my totem animal) and carried away the darkness of my cancer and of my grief, he grasped them in his talons and he told me that he was ALWAYS available to carry away any of my burdens and to carry me into the light. 

The other thing that was pretty cool, but actually felt much more significant than just “cool” was that I learned that the totem animals of the four directions are as follows:

East – Eagle

South – Wolf

West – Bear

North – Buffalo

What is so crazy is that my totem animal is the Eagle, Clara’s is the Wolf, Ayla’s is the Buffalo and I’ve always suspected Dave’s is the Bear! I talked to Kim about this afterwards and she asked me several questions that would help determine if Dave’s is a bear and it sure seemed to fit. She said it was very significant that the four of us were walking this life together and that each of us were needed in our circle. I found this to be very affirming and increased my perceptions of Dave and opened up, yet another, layer of my heart to him!!

The Wisdom of My Future Self

Tap into the Wisdom of Your Future Self

You’ll learn from your Future Self, a trustworthy source of wisdom. Use the questions below to journal about your experience and capture the meaning and important pieces you want to remember. 

Describe the dwelling of your Future Self. What does it look like? Feel like? Smell like? 
What landscape does it have? What is your overall sense of this place?

·     Lovely home, gardens, porch

·     Peaceful

·     Fresh and clean

·     Comfort

·     By the ocean

·     Big yard 

What does your Future Self look like? What is the essence of this person? What else do you notice?

·     Vibrant and beautiful

·     Warm

·     Wise

·     Wearing wrinkles well

·     Dress feels fun and modern

·     Fit, healthy

What does your Future Self most want you to remember from the last 20 years? 
What stands out in her or his memory?

·     Living the life of joy and pleasure

·     Deep, loving relationship with daughters and their children

·     Deepening of relationship with Dave, Dave is definitely there

·     Dave is so happy and puttering around

What did your Future Self say would be most helpful for you to remember to get from where you are to where she is?

Tenderly she says: 

“Oh sweetheart, it’s not difficult, it’s not a secret. It is most precious of all, you simply must open your heart fully. Everything will unfold. You will be surprised. I remember how hard it was to open my heart when I was younger.”

What else did you ask her and what did she say?

Feeling deep wisdom from working from many experiences, some were hard and some were joyous. As I ask her these questions, she smiles and laughs at me, puts her hand on my knee and her other hand on my hand and says:

“It all unfolded exactly as it should. You need not worry. I cannot give you those specific actions because if I do, it would be a disservice to you. If I told you those answers, I would not be serving you because you would miss the ride.”

She is quiet, serious and fierce now: 

“If you do not pay attention you will go down a dark path. You are at a crossroads. Our focus was to break a long, long, long, long, very long pattern in the female chain of our family ofnot listening and ofturning away from intuition and intimacy. 

And it is not a guarantee, it is a choice. It is in your DNA. If you shut down and turn away, you will not arrive here 20 years from now and more so, you will not break the chain for your daughters.”

 Then she lightens up and laughs: 

“Don’t be so scared. It is really easy. And it’s all in front of you.” 

Now there’s a grandchild in the room – a little girl who crawls up on her lap. Dave is making something in the kitchen.
 

What did your Future Self tell your present-day self about what’s next
for you – about your bigger dream?

Very powerful, making me cry. The words that are coming:

“Please stop wasting your precious life. When you pay attention, the cancer won’t come back. Your life will be forever transformed.”

She is so certain and loving. There’s a fierceness because she knows if I don’t listen to her, she won’t be there in 20 years and neither will be the grandbaby be with her.

She is standing for her life. 

“Please peel back the protective layer and let this gem inside come out.”

 What gift did your Future Self have for you? What was its meaning?

Absolutely 100% a lotus flower. It is the lotus to remind me that I’ve known this for a very long time. To tell the younger version of myself that she’s already started blossoming.  Everything it represents is about my path. 

This is a gentle reminder the younger version of myself chose the lotus flower as her symbol. A gentle reminder that I am on my way. There is really not that much to do. I haven’t made a mess of anything. It is time to raise the flower over the garbage dump. 

My young self wants to say I’m afraid. My future self says:

“Yes, honey, the answer is of course your courage. Courage is the heart. Don’t be afraid that your light will dim others. 

It is important in this transformation that you do not share this experience with anyone else. It is really important to not speak this exercise to others right now. It might threaten others and cause you to go back into your shell. 

The unfoldment requires this to be your own experience for now. You want it to be truly your experience for now.”

“Go back home now.”

“And you need to wear sunscreen.” 

Patti, what is your WHY? Why is now the time for you to step into this? WHY NOW? 

·     The areas of my life that I’m not happy with will not be resolved in any other way

·     This IS the way in

·      I know I need to step into this 

·     Everything comes from this

 What this really is: 

INTIMACY WITH SOURCE

Part 2: The Environmental Scan, aka Good Honest Reality Check (May 30th)

Learning Outcome: Do an environmental scan of your last year, giving you invaluable clues for where you are now and what’s next.

NOTE: Some of these prompts may seem a bit repetitive. My intention is to word things slightly differently and come from a different angle, which may inspire added layers of clarity for you.

Remember to write from your stream of consciousness and navigate these prompts from your and gut. If your fears come up, name them and write them too, and check in with yourself to come back to your grounding and truth.  

You cannot go wrong with this. We are simply capturing a slice of time in your life. So, have fun and be light with this. Let it be an ADVENTURE!

 I suggest setting a timer for 2 minutes for each prompt, write your stream of consciousness and move onto the next prompt. You can also go back and add more thoughts later.

Step 1: Look back over the last year

Over the last year, BOTH personally and professionally… 

Some of my accomplishments, results, breakthroughs and successes were…

-       My ability to be vulnerable and ask for help during my cancer treatment

-       My connection to source and ability to get downloads and visions from angels

-       Stepping into a more clear vision of what I want for my classes and executing it when I went back in April (women only, registered only)

-       My connection with Michelle Crawford, yoga teacher, and her offering me her studio for one weekly class

-       Making numerous new and positive connections with like minded women

-       Receiving a blessing from my friends and students prior to my surgery, being showered with love and accepting it

-       Feeling a deep connection to my husband during our counselling intensive in Victoria and during our recoveries (we both had surgery in the last six months)

The best things in my life and work over the last year were…   I am most grateful for… 

-       My friends and relationships with my students. The open hearted and deep connections that I have fostered.

-       Seeing my children grow and explore aspects of themselves that many kids their age are afraid to look at 

-       Successful enrolment of my classes for my April – June offerings

-       Receiving such validating feedback from my students and my spiritual teachers

-       Having such a beautiful post surgery/healing experience 

-       Offering and creating a beautiful blessing ceremony for my friends, Cathy and Kirk

-       The feedback I received from the young girls who attended Chickadee camps and the boys in my kids class

I am proud of myself for…

-       Starting Practicing Grace Qigong

-       Sharing openly about my cancer journey

-       Asking for help (meals)

-       Asking my friends to come and participate in  a blessing ceremony for me and my family

-       Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with my family of origin (especially my mom and dad)

-       Going to marriage counselling with Dave 

-       Co-hosting Chickadees Camps

-       Standing up for myself regarding business arrangements

What I learned about myself was… 

-       I am stronger than I think

-       I am valued by others

-       I am perceived positively by others

-       I am able to channel/download spiritual teachings

-       People feel closer to me when I am vulnerable and real

-       I seem to get things done when I am under pressure

-       I am not very efficient with my time

-       I procrastinate

-       I am very good with young children (teaching them)

-       I am creative and spontaneous when I need to be (ie. when teaching a class to kids)

I felt the most lit up and fulfilled when… 

-       I am teaching classes

-       I am with like minded friends

-       I am in nature

-       I attended Satsang retreats

-       I am having a deep conversation with a friend and am able to help them

I felt the most free and alive– and most like myself when… 

-       I was teaching classes

-       I was camping hiking in Vancouver Island  

-       I was recovering from my surgery (this was a profoundly deep spiritual experience)

My favourite things to do were…

-       Camp and hike on Van Island

-       Teach classes

-       Work with young kids (though I never looked forward to it, I always enjoyed it)

-       Write (emails to friends during my cancer, emails to my students about content covered in class

-       Skinny dip in the ocean

What gave me the most energy was…  I got the most joy from…

-       Chickadees camps (during but not before or after)

-       My classes (during but not before or after)

-       Camping with my family 

-       Swimming naked in the ocean with my best friend

I surprised myself when…

-       I chose to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction

-       I committed to this program and the one with an intuitive counselor

I felt in alignment and totally in the flow when…

-       I was recovering from my surgery and I woke up at 5:00 am every day and followed a beautiful routine of meditation, journaling, reading, qigong and yoga. Later on I went outside for a long walk, ate exceptionally well and had a nap.

-       At almost every single class (DURING class only)

My biggest“blessons” (blessings + lessons) in the last year were…

-       My breast cancer, dealing with the fear, dealing with the sense of failure and shame

-       Challenges in my marriage

-       My daughter breaking up with her boyfriend (who I was incredibly close to)

-       Creating boundaries with my mom, and recognizing the energetic drain that she has been to me

-       Hearing negative (second hand) feedback from a well known qigong teacher regarding my cancer “that perhaps it was because my practice wasn’t very deep”. This was very upsetting to me and a big lesson about control and ego (hers).

Some of the biggest obstacles, challenges and roadblocks, however big or small, were…

-       My husband’s hip surgery and the timing of it (6 days after my diagnosis)

-       Continued disconnection between me and my husband

-       The setback to my physical well being (from my surgery)

The hardest or worst thingsthat happened in my life and work over the last year were… 

-       Breast cancer

-       Not feeling honoured for my work at Chickadees

-       Uncertainty and lack of clarity regarding my business arrangement for renting studio space

What I liked the least over last year was…

-       Worrying about class enrolment

-       Working very hard for very little money

-       Feeling let down when life returned back to normal after my recovery. There was so much hope for change during my recovery and then it seemed to dwindle and both Dave and I returned to some of our old patterns. I feel like I am actually doing worse than before the surgery, despite all the lessons and growth that occurred.

I felt the most frustrated, stressed and drainedwhen…

-       I find myself dealing with the same issues that I have been working on for the past 15 years

-       I think about all the unfinished projects and tasks in my life

-       Dealing with my dad on business matters

-       I interact with my mom

-       I map out my day and have it unfold nothing like I visioned

-       We spent more money than we make in a month, fail to add to our savings

I felt suffocated and chained when… 

-       Things continue to stay the same in my marriage, especially after building up so much hope after our counselling weekend

-       I think about all the things I need to do, all the unfinished projects in my life 

-       I realize I depend on my husband for financial support, and depend on him going to a job he doesn’t like!

-       Everyone else’s needs and demands came before mine

-       I cannot communicate my feelings with my husband

My least favourite things to do were…

-      House work

I felt least like myself when…

-      Since April, since recovering from my surgery, I have been trying to reintegrate and it isn’t working. I just realized as I write this that I am really out of sync with “who I am”.

I focused too much on…

-       social media

-       tidying the house

I felt the most distracted by…

-       social media

-       housework

-       emails

-       other people’s demands on me

What I know for sure about the last year, more than ever before is… 

-       I have been propelled into making changes! It was a very difficult year and there is an absolute urgency to change.

My last year can be summed up as…

A year in which truth was revealed and a year that broke me open. There were many difficult times and many magical moments. The last year was all about chaos and turmoil followed by blessings, transformation and now a difficult re-integration. 

A year that has forced me to step into my power and to step into following and living my passions! 

Step 2: Reflect on where you are now

I am most excited about…

The possibilities of breaking through old patterns and living my life on purpose and with passion! 

5 things I am most grateful for right now are…

The opportunity to work with you!

The opportunity to work with Jill

My children

My husband’ support

My health

3 opportunities in my life and work I want to take advantage of are… 

The opportunity to develop my gift of intuition/channeling

The opportunity to invest in my business

The opportunity to deepen and improve my marriage

I am happiestand most inspired when…

I dream about possibilities

I believe in myself

I sense the awakening of the collective consciousness

What lights me up, makes me come aliveand gives me the most joy…

Synchronicities

Ah-ah moments

Seeing someone in my class have an ah-ah moment

Receiving messages from spirit

When I feel most myself, I am…

Deeply present and connected to divine source

I know I’m respected for…

My communication skills, my open heartedness, my humility and honesty.

What I’m loving the most is…  

The fact that I’m believing change is possible

I love making a difference in….

People’s lives! It gives me tremendous pleasure when my students tell me how valuable my classes are to them and how much I am helping them.

My kids lives, especially when I can teach them ways of coping and managing stress and anxiety.

I wish I could…

Transform this block that is preventing me from living my life the way I want to. 

Remove the discrepancy between how I feel when I teach and how I feel the rest of the time. 

Stop worrying that people don’t like my classes, and that I am not offering enough, do not know enough. 

Work individually with  people and help them make transformative and meaningful transformations in their lives.

If I wasn’t afraid, I would…

Further my training, figure out what path is the best and go for it! 
Dive into an opportunity to become a counselor

I’m focusing too much on…

The reasons why I can’t create a successful practice: the costs, the work, and the fear that even if I get the training and/or build a business plan, that I won’t be able to do the job once I get there!

I am tired of…

Not believing in myself. Of finishing each day with an unsatisfied feeling. 

I am feeling super challenged by… 

These questions.

I am getting distracted by…

My lack of focus (I’m all over the place with a little bit of focus on a lot of things, but no real focus on any one thing)! I am distracted by unfinished projects and tasks and ongoing daily housework/child care.

Where I’m compromising on myself is… 

I feel like being a mother is a giant and necessary compromise. I also feel that I am compromising with my family and my role in the family business, but that it is also necessary. I would like to reframe my perception of both of these roles so that I don’t feel compromised!  

I want to do more of…

Spend time in nature

Having fun with my husband and family

Things that light me up (I’d like to find activities/hobbies that bring me pleasure…very few seem to)

Managing our finances with an attitude of abundance and inspiration

I want to do less of…

Mindless puttering around the house

Procrastination

Overspending/letting our budget lapse

I want help with…

Housework

Home projects

Changing destructive habits

Creating a business plan

Executing a business plan

The biggest things in my way are…

My lack of motivation 

My lack of focus

My perceived shortage of time and resources

My feelings of loneliness

The 3 things I know need to fix and/or figure out are…

How to connect to my intrinsic passions and motivation

How to stop procrastinating

Understand and address my loneliness

I am most ready for…

A radical change to how I face and live out each day

I wish I would…

Stop putting off getting what I want, and stop assuming  that I don’t know how to do what I need to do.

My deepest desires are…

To have a deeply intimate  and inspiring relationship with my partner and to wake up each day feeling grateful and enthusiastic. 

My biggest fears are…

That nothing will ever change. That I will live the rest of my life with these feelings.

What I want more than anything is…

To live on purpose and with passion.

Deep down, I know I need to…

Show up in a whole new way in my marriage/change  

how I am in our relationship (or leave the marriage).

The unfinished business that’s frustrating me and holding me back is…

My lack of worthiness to pursue my own passions and interests. My tendency to give up on anything that is hard.

The decision that would be a game changer for me is…

To pursue a path that is difficult

If I could wave a magic wandand give myself a big confidence boost, I would say to myself…

You will have a meaningful, rewarding and financially lucrative career, deeply intimate relationships, inner harmony and intrinsic motivation to care for you self and others. 

I wish someone would finally tell me how… 

To bring my true self into my relationships.

I need to CLAIM and say YES to…

LOVE and JOY

I need to LET GO of…

FEAR and RESENTMENT

I know it is finally time to…

ASCEND

I’m learning how to… 

LISTEN

The partners and allies I treasure are…

My friends I can turn to (Jackie, Cathy, Katrina, Ariel, Francis)
My teachers (Pamela, Michelle, Patti M)
My coaches/counselors (Nadine, Jill)

My biggest strengths are…  

My willingness to see and speak the truth, my listening and intuitive skills, my interpersonal skills.

My biggest opportunities are…

I have the chance to wipe my slate clean and write what I want on it (to some degree), this is a huge opportunity (even though it feels terrifying).

To integrate all that I have learned (I have done A LOT of spiritual work and clearing) into my practical life.

I know deep down that… 

I am here to teach and heal, starting with myself.  I also know that I am obstructing the pathway to a deeper relationship with my husband and even my kids. I am blocked off around him (and to a lesser degree with my kids).

I am most ready for…

Living a life of purpose and passion and connection with my loved ones. 

My biggest priorities are to…

Face my fears and address the issues that are holding me back (How to connect to my intrinsic passions and motivation, How to stop procrastinating, Understand and address my loneliness)

What I know for sure about myself more than ever before is… 

I am lonely and I am afraid and I am ready to face it.

What I most want to remember about WHERE I AM NOW is…

This nauseating feeling in my stomach because I know change is coming and I am afraid I won’t be able to do it in a positive way and I’m afraid of losing stability and security.

What I want to celebrate about myself so far in this program… 

My honesty.

Part 3: The Current State Snapshot (May 30)

Bonus Learning Outcome: Sum up where you are now so you have a powerful baseline from which to leap forward.

A few tips… Look back at your powerful and insight work in parts 1 and 2 of this bonus program pre-work. Your opportunity now is to bring it all together so you have a snapshot of where you are now.  

My 5 core driving valuesare (include the extra words to describe each one):

1.    Inner Harmony– ease, grace, flow, fully aligned and present with each moment

2.    Intimacy– meeting and being met fully and unconditionally

3.    Courageous– showing up fearlessly, taking steps forward 

4.    Health– vitality and energetic balance

5.      Integrity– walking my talk in all aspects of my life

Where and how I’m being true to my values (where I feel inner harmony):

I am doing this work!

Every time I begin an opening meditation with my students, I automatically line up with all of my values.

When I am fully present with my family, like last Friday when I went bike riding with Clara and played at the park with her.

Where and how I am being less true to my values (where I feel inner conflict):

I feel uninspired to care for my physical health. 

I disengage from those around me and put up a barrier between our hearts (exactly the oppostive of what I teach).

I procrastinate tasks and projects and I let those unfinished items prevent me from taking care of myself, fostering healthy relationships and moving forward with my business.

My last year can be summed up as:

An unveiling of truth. A year that broke me open. There were many difficult times and many magical moments. The last year was all about chaos and turmoil followed by blessings, transformation.

A year that has forced me to step into my power and to step into following and living my passions!

Where I am now can be summed up as:

I am in a difficult and painful re-integration following a significant life experience.

I am between worlds. I can’t go back to the way I was and I am having a very hard time stepping into something else. 

What I want the most next is:

To live in line with my values in all areas of my life.

To change my relationship with the present moment (especially when I am home alone and with my family). 

The biggest distractions or obstacles getting in my way are:

Fear and procrastination. Fear that change isn’t possible and, more importantly, that if I change I will fail and/or my marriage will fail.

Some changes I need to make and some actions I need to take are: 
(Simply use what you already know and see from doing this bonus program pre-work,
 even if we’re early in our work together.)

I need to address (once and for all) the underlying cause of my “paralysis”.  

I need to get clear on what I want, stop making excuses and get going on creating the life that I want.

I want:

-       To feel healthy and energetic

-       To have ease and flow with the tasks of daily life

-       To joyfully anticipate each class and feel inspired to prepare for them in creative and new ways

-       To finish up projects and feel productive 

-       To figure out what I want with my business and career and FULLY step into it

What I most want to remember about WHERE I AM NOW is:

I want to remember how desperate and disjointed I feel. I want this feeling to END. I want to look back and know that I have transcended past this phase of my life.

I turn 50 in 2.5 years and I would very much like to feel that I am living my purpose on that day (and between now and that day)! 

What I am most excited about, or looking forward to, next is:

Seeing what will transpire from our work together (and from my work on my own). 

Part 1: THE VALUES BLUEPRINT, My Heart Notes, Raw and Unfiltered (May 30th),

My TOP 5 CORE VALUES:

1. Inner Harmony
   – ease, grace, flow, fully aligned and present with each moment
    

2. Intimacy
   – meeting and being met fully and unconditionally
    

3. Courageous
   – showing up fearlessly, taking steps forward
    

4. Health
   – vitality and energetic balance
    

5. Integrity
   – walking my talk in all aspects of my life

Primary Area #1: Health & Self-Care 6 / 10

Why did you choose this number for this area? 

I am more tired than I would like to be. I make many choices in the moment that are not in the best interest of my physical, mental, emotional or spiritual self. I have a lot of awareness of when I am doing this and, yet, I do it anyways and/or procrastinate or put off nourishing and self-care activities.  

How are you being true to your values in this area? (Where do you feel inner harmony?) Give examples.

 I am often true to my values, I have a pretty healthy lifestyle. I feel inner harmony when:

-       I meditate
-       Do qigong and yoga
-       I walk our dog
-       I go to the gym and run the stairs
-       Eat nourishing and whole foods
-       Go to bed early and wake up early
-       Journal

How are you feeling out of alignment? (Where do you feel inner conflict?) Examples.

I feel out of alignment/conflicted when I don’t do the above regularly. More importantly, I feel inner conflict when I procrastinate and/or choose activities that are not supportive of my health, which I seem to do many times throughout each day. This is particularly distressing since it is the opposite of how I feel when I am aligned and is the opposite of what I share in my classes. I know what it is like to be in alignment, living on purpose, and flowing naturally…so I find it very frustrating that I fall out of alignment as often as I do. 

What do you already see needs to change in this area? Be as specific as you can.

I hesitate to say that I NEED to… (eat better, work out more, go to bed early etc, etc). I hesitate because I know that simply reprimanding myself and setting goals doesn’t work!  What NEEDS TO CHANGE is a deeper connection to the inherent motivation and an understanding of what is preventing me/sabotaging me.

What is the most important for you to remember about where you are now in this area?

I want to remember how unsatisfied I am at the end of most days with how I cared for myself.  
 

Primary Area #2: Family & Relationships 5 / 10

Why did you choose this number for this area? 

I find that I am often distracted when I am with my family. This is definitely out of line with my core values! If I were to break it down, my rating for my marriage would be a 3, my relationship with my kids a 7, and my friends a 9. My relationship with my family of origin is not a fulfilling or healthy relationship, but, ironically, it feels quite in line with my values. 

How are you being true to your values in this area? (Where do you feel inner harmony?) Give examples.

 I feel inner harmony and alignment when:

• I am present to my children and meet them exactly where they are at. When I am fully present, I am able to help them move through challenging situations and my words and actions line up with my core values.
• I am with friends with whom I have an emotional and spiritual connection
• I am usually able to be more in line with my values in this area when we are on vacation or not at home. 

How are you feeling out of alignment? (Where do you feel inner conflict?) Examples.

• I often feel conflicted and out of alignment in this area, especially with my husband. Even though intimacy is one of my core values, I do not do a lot to foster intimate connections with him.  
• When I am pressured and frustrated with myself, I find that I act out in ways towards my kids that is totally out of alignment with my core values. 

 What do you already see needs to change in this area? Be as specific as you can.

• I need to make more time for my family/create more space for them in my life. To do this I need to address the issues that were raised in area #1 above (procrastination, lack of motivation etc), because I am always feeling like there is more I need to DO, which causes me to be distracted when I am with them.

What is the most important for you to remember about where you are now in this area?

I want to remember how much I LONG to have intimacy, harmony, integrity, and courage (4/5 of my core values) in my relationships and how this is not happening with the people I love the most!

Primary Area #3: Business & Career 3/ 10

Why did you choose this number for this area? 

I chose this low number because I do not feel that I am being courageous in my career. I find the easiest way to do things with minimal risk. Also, although I feel inner harmony and integrity during my classes and when I write to my students, I rarely feel this way outside of those times.

How are you being true to your values in this area? (Where do you feel inner harmony?) 
Give examples.

Practicing Grace Qigong:

I feel fully aligned with my values when I am teaching my classes and composing my weekly class follow-up email/blogs.

Little Edgewater Holdings(family business for which I do bookkeeping, property management and succession planning):

Though I don’t have much harmony with the work I do with my family, I do find the actual work quite rewarding and I also feel that there is great potential for me to step into this role with more courage and integrity and to maximize the financial potential for me and my family. 

 How are you feeling out of alignment? (Where do you feel inner conflict?) Give examples.

I do not feel inner harmony when I think about my career.

Practicing Grace Qigong:
Though I teach inner harmony and emotional, spiritual awakening, I do not feel inner harmony when I think about my business or its potential. I see limitations and ceilings. Even though I have received a lot of positive feedback, I continue to doubt my abilities and my credentials.

 Little Edgewater Holdings:

This is a really tricky situation. Much of this work is out of alignment with my integrity. Working with my family is not fulfilling or easy, as none of them share my values. 

What do you already see needs to change in this area? Be as specific as you can.

I need a clear vision of what I want and why. I need a vision and a plan and the courage to execute it. 

I have many ideas of what I could do with my Qigong practice such as:

• Further my education (if needed) to include some form of one-on-one work (energy healing, intuitive counselling etc)
• Expand my class offerings
• Lease a studio and sub-lease it for revenue. Ideally with an office in which I could do my bookkeeping work (would this help me with my distraction/procrastination at home?)
• Consider changing my website and name to be more personal (perhaps I need to sell “me” more

However, as we said in our preliminary meetings, I am not sure that any of these HOW’S can be executed until I figure out exactly WHY I want this and WHAT I want – and perhaps more importantly, what is getting in my way????

What is the most important for you to remember about where you are now in this area?

I want to remember this feeling of LACK and be able to look back and see only ABUNDANCE. 

Why I Committed to a Coaching Contract

Where I was on May 25th (said during session with Nadine):

• I can’t go on like this any longer, if I did it would be like I’m settling and selling myself short. 
• I am not making time for me. There has not been the space for this in my life. 
• I’ve been sitting on the fence for the last two years, it has been a two-year trial period. 
• I need to make some decisions, e.g. fall classes, sign a lease, etc. 
• My own limiting beliefs about my abilities to be successful in a business capacity are probably the biggest obstacle. 
• I have short-changed myself in my career aspirations my whole life and this needs to be smashed once and for all. 

I’ve been lacking clarity for 20 years and it’s time to change that. 

Where I want to go (stated on May 25th):

• I have a right to have a dream at this stage of my life.
• I want to get to the bottom of what I want to do and how I want to do it. 
• The truth is I don’t care what the “end product” is. 
• The bottom line is I want to find and live my passion and purpose. 
• I want clarity on what I’m doing and a plan to get started. 
• I am willing to do the work. 
• I want more financial success and independence. 
• I want to contribute more financially to the household. 
• I want cohesion between what I want and how I live my life. 
• My life depends on it, I cannot go back. 
• There is no choice here. (Patti, I’d like to add another way of saying this: This is a choiceless choice.) 

“When Nadine told me the price of this investment I gasped a little bit inside. I thought there is no way I can justify spending that much on this kind of work. I also worried that I wouldn’t be able to uphold my end of the bargain, or that I would somehow sabotage myself and it would be yet another “failure”.

But somehow I knew this time would be different. This time I had an accountability partner who would hold me up to my end of the bargain. I know that there is a gem inside of me waiting to shine and I just need a little help digging it out and polishing it up.”

— June 12, many transformations have taken place already but there is more work to do!