Authenticity means that we take responsibility for the authorship of our lives. And that type of authenticity can only come from awareness, when we are fully present and able to deal with what Zorba the Greek called 'the full catastrophe of the human condition.'"
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
“Don’t take anything personally” is another agreement that sounds simple but can be very difficult to do. Like the first agreement, “be impeccable with your word”, the second agreement requires that one take a leap into a new paradigm of oneness. While operating in this paradigm, we will naturally gain the ability to see behind the conditioned programming of humanity. With an understanding of how beliefs, opinions and agreements govern people’s lives, it becomes easy to not taking anything personally.
When we can clearly recognize that others are living according to their own set of agreements, or their personal “Book of Law”, we can understand why they project their beliefs onto us and how, for example, if we do or say something that goes against their personal beliefs or agreements, they may feel justified in attacking or criticizing us. Likewise, when we are able to recognize and challenge the agreements in our personal “Book of Law”, we will stop doing harm to others.
With this new awareness, we can also begin to see that the hurt we feel by someone’s words or actions is the result of old wounds being touched. With our new found courage, we have the opportunity to look at the wounds and uncover the beliefs we agreed to a long time ago, and to choose to direct our attention to a new belief …and we realize the freedom in knowing that nothing anyone says or does can actually hurt us.
You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.
As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do and say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.
-don Miguel Ruiz
AND, perhaps most importantly…
Just as you have a choice of what to believe and agree with in the dream of the planet, you also have a choice whether or not to believe the voices you hear within your own mind.
You don’t have to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.
A PATHWAY TO TRUTH
Once again, the principles of the Ho’oponopono harmonize beautifully with the essence of the Four Agreements. The following passage captures how the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual can help us move into the new dream of not taking anything personally.
The aim of Ho’oponopono and the Aloha principle it to stop making judgements and to strengthen the capacity for discernment. Spiritual intelligence, which is the the higher understanding of spiritual laws and the unity of all being, is reinforced by Ho’oponopono’s four magic sentences.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank-you.
Features of this form of intelligence are level-headedness, a good capacity for the assessment of the self and our own powers (that we will absolutely not harm ourselves or others), as well as a good capacity for discerning between what is beneficial and what hinders our development. Through the Ho’oponopono, we attain the necessary state of rest and relaxation to be able to say, ‘No’.
- Ulrich E. Dupree
The Second Agreement also relates to the Tibetan Buddhist concept of shenpa. Shenpa is usually translated as meaning “attachment”or as Pema Chodron calls it, a “trigger”, “stickiness” or “getting hooked”.
Here’s an everyday example: Someone criticizes you. She criticizes your work or your appearance or your child. In moments like that, what is it you feel? It has a familiar taste, a familiar smell. Once you begin to notice it, you feel like this experience has ben happening forever. That sticky feeling is shenpa. And it comes along with a very seductive urge to do something. Somebody says a harsh word and immediately you can feel a shift. There’s a tightening that rapidly spirals into mentally blaming this person, or wanting revenge or blaming yourself. It’s a quality of experience that’s not easy to describe but that everyone knows well. It’s called getting hooked.
-Pema Chodron, “Practicing Peace”
To not take anything personally is to not bite the hook. And both Miguel Ruiz and Pema Chodron advise to go easy on ourselves if and when we get hooked, take something personally and end up making a big mess.
There are times when the hook is so sharp that we can’t help but bite. When this happens, we return to the fourth agreement of always do your best. With self-reflection and awareness we will learn to catch ourselves before getting hooked the next time.
The four R’s to not biting the hook:
1. Recognize the shenpa (the hook)
2. Refrain from scratching (biting)
3. Relax with the underlying the urge to scratch (bite)
4. Resolve to interrupt the momentum like this for the rest of our lives
You can also begin to notice shenpa arising in other people. You simply recognize your friend’s shenpa and you practice patience - you give the situation some space. You have the innate intelligence to realize that nothing is going to get through right now because this person has just been hooked.
When you know that the power that is Life is inside you, you accept your own Divinity, and yet you are humble, because you see the same Divinity in everyone else.
- don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”
Prayer of the Lotus Nectar
Beloved Kuan Yin, goddess of compassion and mercy, help me realize the connection to myself and to Life that I need to be able to live my highest vibrational life, where I am well, replenished, joyful and connected to the endless flow of divine energy and life force in our Universe. Please bring me clear guidance about how to best cultivate chi now, how to be open to receive the Nectar of the Lotus, the life force and love of the Divine Mother, for my highest good, so be it. Om Mani Padme Hum.
“Om Mani Padme Hum”
This is a powerful heart opening mantra.
It means ’the opening of the jewel in the lotus,’ or ‘may the heart awaken with divine compassion and may I know myself to be an awakened being of light’.