Oh dear sweet circle of women,
Today eight of us came together, we were called to be in this space at this time to hold our dear Jennifer, who tragically lost her son last night. Eight of us joined energetically with Michelle, Brenda and Glenda who were with Jennifer in form today. Bless these beautiful friendships!
I received the news this morning, moments before getting in my car to drive to Michelle’s. As driving, I thought to myself, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be with this kind of heart wrenching pain. I don’t know how to do this grief and sorrow and loss. Not when its as real as this.
On my way to Michelle’s I phoned my friend Ariel and told her the news through tears and panic. And she said, very calmly and firmly, “Patti, this is why we gather in circle. This is why we do the practice.”
And so we gathered, eight tender hearts, and we spoke of our sadness, our fears, our grief, and our confusion. We called upon our ancestors who’s wisdom on death is so much richer and deeper than ours. We asked to unlock the knot in our bellies, the lock that wants to keep this pain far, far away - that doesn’t want to see how vulnerable and fragile life is. We courageously softened into the pain, we saw it, we held it. We held Jen. We held Ryan. We held their family. We held our children. We held our pain.
And we basked in the sound of Melanie’s song! Oh what a GIFT it was for us to receive Melanie’s song of “Rise Up”. (Melanie graciously recorded it for us and I have attached it to this email, I tried to embed it in to the blog but it doesn't want to be embedded). Angel Melanie was planning on singing this song before she knew of the tragedy and it could not have been more perfect.
Through tears, we held hands, we prayed, and we moved. We moved and danced with the certainty of death, and the unity of birth and death. We honoured the beauty of the human form and its capacity to instill such deep, deep love. We honoured the intense and real pain of human suffering, and we honoured the eternal formless and felt the truth that Ryan was now formless and everywhere.
Spirit guided the practice and love led us through it.
Jen, we love you and we hold you dearly.
RISE UP by Andra Day
(beautifully sung by Melanie during our circle)
“You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We’ll take it to its feet
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
We will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh oh
We’ll rise
I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousands times again
And we’ll rise up
Rise like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousands times again
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you
”
“SORROW
Too Deep to be Yours
So much of human restlessness
is to get away from feelings.
Sadness is definitely not popular.
Ignoring it will not make it go away.
Most feelings are dogged,
because they want you to see, or give
you a gift.
Don’t bite the messenger!
Let’s see what’s true about sorrow
or depression.
Don’t touch the details
for a moment.
Can you notice how deep it is?
Could you even swim down to the bottom?
Maybe, on the surface it feels
like yours.
But, whose is it really?
Could you have possibly accumulated
all that?
Now, what if it was intelligent
and you could be with it?
Let’s see.
Sniff or bow or say hello.
Be curious, why has it come to sit
with you?
I then like to ask, who are you really?
Who were you before sadness?
(No need to know, it is a respectful
question.)
Notice as it flares up or shape shifts
or rests.
Stay with it, the way a friend would.
Be unmoving and ask again,
“And before that, who are you?”
When it starts to stream open,
or uncontains itself,
please feed it with gratitude!
It is an honor to be present as
the Mystery reveals itself.
What is noticed or seen or felt?
Invite it to spread its wings,
or get as big as it wants.
Notice there is no past, no history
in its naturalness.
No sorrow either!
Ahh,
It is the sacred secret
that lives at the heart of everything
Ask it, what its true name?
Compassion.
Love.
Silence!
”
WHEN WOMEN CIRCLE
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CAN YOU HOLD SPACE FOR ANOTHER?